Ukraine's Orange Blues Turn On Ukraine!

By Alexander J. Motyl

 Note: As President Viktor Yanukovych announced Ukraine’s new public relations campaign at the World Economic Summit at Davos — “Turn on Ukraine!” — Minister of Education, Football, Historical Truth, Grammar, and Spelling Dmytro Tabachnyk was espied distributing glossy brochures to all assembled. Your correspondent managed to get his hands on one. It’s reprinted here in its entirety, as a public service, without the photograph of President Yanukovych swimming across the Yangtze River with Mao Zedong.

Welcome in a Wonderful Country of the Ukraine!

Europe tourists wanting new experiences of beauty, peace, and loving are coming to a Ukraine!

Ukraine is jewel of world! Ukraine is having land! Ukraine is having air! Ukraine is having disrobing especially in spring womans!

Ukraine is having very happy and all the time laughing peoples who are loving you!

Ukraine is many cultured and many tongued!

Ukrainians are speaking all tongues of a world: like Russian and all other tongues of a world!

Ukrainians are loving all poets of a world: like Chekhov and all other poets of a world!

Ukrainians are loving all artists of a world: like Chekhov and all other artists of a world!

Ukrainians are loving all writers of a world: like Chekhov and all other writers of a world!

Ukrainians are loving all composers of a world: like Chekhov and all other composers of a world!

Ukrainians are loving all football kickers of a world: like Chekhov and all other football kickers of a world!

Ukraine is having the wonderful cuisine: like the Chicken Donetsk and all other cookings of a world!

Ukraine is having the wonderful climate! Ukraine is having suns and never the clouds!

Ukraine is having the wonderful beaches in Lugansk! (Sorry, for visiting of Crimea beach, please for to speak to Moscow travel agency.)

Ukraine is having a wonderful mountains! (Sorry, a mountains being temporarily under the repair due to the political pollutions of Lvov.)

Ukraine is having the total democracy! President is loving people, and people is loving a President!

Ukraine is being total free! Everyday Ukrainians are declaring the deep freedom by loving a President!

In a Ukraine anybody can becoming president — even Tabachnyk!

Ukraine is having a total education! Tabachnyk is also being the proffessor!

Ukraine is living very rich! The chicken is being in every pot of Ukraine! 

Ukraine is center of Europe! Two hours with the plane from Paris! Twenty hours with the tank from Berlin! One step across a border from the fraternal Russia!

Ukraine womans and Tabachnyk do anything to make the Europe tourists happy!

Ukraine is being the democracy! Ukraine is having the order!

Europe values is Ukraine values!

If you be coming to Ukraine for an experience of the lifetime, you will never be wanting to be leaving!

P.S. When asked by your correspondent whether he really believed European tourists would go for such a pitch, Minister of Education, Football, Historical Truth, Grammar, and Spelling Tabachnyk answered that Hosni Mubarak, Ben Ali, Muammar Qaddafi, Bernie Madoff, Vladimir Putin, Gerhard Schröder, Jacques Chirac, and Silvio Berlusconi had already agreed to serve on the Turn on Ukraine! Board of Directors. Barack Obama had been invited, but had not yet replied