Hryts’ Proper Perspective

By Volodymyr Kish

It had been a long time since I had conferred with Hryts, my primary interpreter of all things Ukrainian. Hryts, as most of you know, hails from the fine little town of Pidkamin in Western Ukraine that is renowned for the pungency of not only its garlic and horseradish, but the opinionated nature of its inhabitants as well.   Throughout the centuries, the village has withstood countless assaults by the Poles, the Russians, the Tatars, the Turks, and more recently, the minions of the Donbas oligarchs.  Invaders have come and gone, but the resilient Pidkaminites have always found ways to survive and eke out a pleasant enough existence in this scenic little valley on the ancient road between Brody and Ternopil.

I have left Hryts in peace these last few months, knowing well that it was spring planting season and he would be focused on getting his fields in order. Things on the political front in Ukraine, however, have really gotten out of hand, so I finally called Hryts a couple of days ago to get his expert assessment of the situation. 

“Hrytsiu,” I exclaimed over my computer’s Skype connection, “things are going to hell in a handbasket in Ukraine! What’s going on?”

“Why, my young turnip” he replied, “What are you getting your shorts in a knot over now? There’s no problem – UEFA has confirmed that all issues have been resolved and that the Euro 2012 football championship is a definite go to be staged in Ukraine.”

For a moment, I felt like the proverbial chicken observing the farmer heading its way with axe in hand.

“No, no Hrytsiu,” I stammered back, “I’m not talking about soccer. I am talking about what Yanukovych is promising to do in reversing Yushchenko’s reforms and changing the laws and policies of the government.”

“Oh is that all?” he answered with an obvious chuckle in his voice.

“And pray tell,” he continued, “What reforms exactly did Yushchenko implement when he was in power?”

“Uh…..uh…” I tried to answer, but was left at an obvious loss for words.

“Exactly!” he shot back, “There is very little if anything of consequence to reverse.”

“But, but…” I tried to counter, “He is indicating he will change the course of foreign policy and implement more Russia friendly programs!”

I could almost see his smirk, heard in his voice as he continued – “My, my, what a naïve little tree stump you are.  I can still recall how, not many years ago when Yanukovych was Prime Minister, you would go on and on about how incompetent he was and couldn’t implement his way out of a cabbage patch!  Now you are concerned that he will suddenly and effectively implement all kind of things that will ruin Ukraine forever.  What makes you think that he will be any better at implementing anything now, whether good or bad, than when he was in power years ago?”

As usual, Hryts’ logic left me momentarily speechless.

He took the opportunity to further my education.

“You must remember that this merry brotherhood of pecuniary parasites is mostly concerned with the pursuit of overflowing bank accounts, dachas, Mercedes Benz’s, sports teams and trophy mistresses with legs that stretch all the way to Crimea.  They are not like their Putin led brethren in Moscow who still have ideological dreams of empires and world domination.  Sooner or later, their greed and the paucity of common sense in what they do will cause them to shoot off their own feet and Ukraine will once more return to bumbling its way into being a relative democracy.”

Not willing to give up, I tried one last shot – “But aren’t you worried about all the damage they will cause in the meantime to Ukraine’s economy and morale?”

I swore I could hear him chuckling again in the background.

“Damage?” he replied, “You mean damage as compared to the seventy years of damage under the Soviet Empire, or the devastation of the Holodomor, or the utter destruction of the Second World War?  I think we will survive.  Besides, it looks like the garden will produce a banner crop of potatoes and garlic this year.  And Yevdokia tells me the cow is pregnant again and the latest batch of home brew is proving to be of vintage quality…”

As usual, Hryts had once again showed his uncanny talent for putting everything into proper perspective.