Hryts
on the Election
By Volodymyr Kish
By the time you read this, the first round
of voting in the Ukrainian Presidential election will have been completed,
setting up a second round runoff vote on Feb. 7 between the top two
contenders. Barring acts of God or acts
of Graft, this should wind up being a showdown between current Prime Minister
Yulia Tymoshenko and Viktor Yanukovych of the Regions party.
As you may have gathered
from some of my recent columns, I have become increasingly disenchanted with
Ukrainian politics, and in an effort to understand what may be beyond rational
comprehension, I turned to cousin Hryts, my trustworthy political oracle from
the picayune village of Pidkamin, nestled in that gently rolling landscape
north of Ternopil in Western Ukraine.
“So Hrytsiu” I began, “Seeing
as it’s winter, I guess you have some time to rest and ponder the current
political situation in
“Oy!” he sighed heavily
after a long pause. “If only.
Unfortunately things have changed a bit here recently, and I have you to blame
for it”.
“Why, what can you mean?”
I stammered.
“It’s that credit union
program you helped set up here a few years ago.
If you recall, one of its aims was to promote Gendernya Rivnist’
(Gender Equity). Well, the local credit
union here ran a seminar for some of the ladies in the village and they took it
to heart. So now, Yevdokia insists that
I do my fair share of what has been woman’s work here since Volodymyr wasn’t so
great – milking cows, cooking, cleaning.
Where’s it all going to end? Next
thing you know, we’ll have a woman for a President!”
I quickly seized the
opportunity to change the subject and shot back - “Speaking of that, do you
think Yulia will win this election?”
He thought about it for a
while and eventually replied in a melancholy voice,
“Ech! Probably. Though I
wonder if it will really make much of a difference. “
“But surely,” I retorted
“There’s a big difference between the policies and programs of the various
candidates.”
“Nu… I really
think your brains have turned into kasha.” He shot back contemptuously.
“It doesn’t matter what their policies or programs are. It’s what they do when they are in power that
counts. Tell me my little turnip, of all
the promises that were made by the leaders of the Orange Revolution five year
ago, how many have they implemented?”
I could see he had a
point.
He continued –
“Essentially there are no differences between any of the parties, blocs or
factions. Once they are in power, their
only real program is to make themselves and their oligarchic supporters as rich
as possible.”
“So…” I replied
hesitatingly, “Is there any point to voting at all?”
“But of course!” he
exclaimed loudly.
“They treat us like I
treat Nusia, my cow, milking her for everything she’s got. It’s time we gave
them a swift kick between their pockets when they come to milk us again. That’s what we can do when we vote
correctly. It may not make a big
difference in the short term, but at least they’ll get the message that they
can’t milk us with impunity!”
“I see what you mean.” I
replied. “So who are you going to vote for in the first round?”
“Why, that is obvious.”
He shot back. “At first I was tempted to vote for the candidate that legally
changed his name to Protyvsikh (None of the Above), but I guess that
would be self-defeating in the long run no matter how good it would make one
feel casting that ballot! But…I am
obligated to vote for Tymoshenko.”
“And why is that?” I
inquired.
“Well, aside from the
fact that she’s the only one capable of tying the oligarch shorts into a knot,
Yevdokia will make me sleep in the barn for the next month if I don’t vote for
her!”
As always, Hryts is a
practical man.