Beware: Ukrainian Health Risks

By Adria Pelensky

For years we’ve heard them, but only once living in Ukraina are you forced to experience them, most often from unsolicited sources. “What are they?” you might ask: Ukrainian Old Wives Tales.

Typically centered on scaring youth about puberty, pregnancy and nutrition, these tales have been proven in most cases by modern scientists as simply that - tales. Myths, not truths. If you touch a toad you will not get warts; if you consume pop rocks and a carbonated beverage your stomach will not explode; if you make a stupid face and someone hits you in the back of the head it will not stay that way; and chewing gum will not stay in your system seven years if ingested (relief to the consumers of “Juicy Fruit” gum , no doubt). While the Old Wives Tales prevalent in Canada tend to limit themselves to schoolchildren, it seems that they are offered by elders in Ukraine as readily as horilka and zakusky.  

Having Ukrainian grandparents and older relatives, we’ve all heard the standard “Don’t go outside without your coat when it’s cold or you’ll catch pneumonia!” This is a myth. Pneumonia is caused by bacteria, not low core body temperature.

An adaptation of this myth is well observed in Ukraine through the “Black Death” known as protyakh, or draft. Just the other day, I had the delight of taking a train from Uzhorod to Lviv. With uncharacteristically warm weather the last few days in Western Ukraine, experiencing up to seventeen degrees Celsius, the six and a half hour ride in platskart (second class travel, communal space) was tropical. Of course, this trip was made even more unpleasant by the droves of skiers piling in from stops along the Karpaty after a full day of skiing. The air in the cart was humid, stale and hot. As we road along, it became increasingly unbearable. Many of the skiers were Kyiv-bound, so they stripped out of their moist days’ attire, pulled out their dinners which included kovbassa, smoked fish and cheese and lay in their bunks ready for a good night’s sleep. Instinctively, I turned to the window to open it a crack, a smidge, a pinch, just so one gust of fresh air could circulate through. My attempt could be subtle, unnoticed by my fifty-three bunk mates in platskart. After closer examination, this window had no such feature. It was designed to be protyakh-free.

The lady lying across from me turned over and offered a pearl of wisdom characteristic to many of the Ukrainian Old Wives Tales I had heard up to date. Apparently, my actions were not so subtle, and my mission exposed. By opening this window, I would not only give everyone pneumonia but it would make all able bodied women infertile. I explained to her that this feature was not offered on the window, so she was in luck, and her future family lineage would be spared.

I stripped down my layers to pants and t-shirt, even removing my socks to make the ride more bearable. It helped, but my slow and steady suffocation continued till I disembarked in Lviv.

Earlier this winter season, when I had a cough, it had nothing to do with the dry air, but rather, I was accused of kissing outside in the street. While typing on the computer, and sitting cross-legged because it was so cold and the pich (oven) hadn’t warmed up the office yet, I was warned about the negative effects on my female reproductive organs. Walking around barefoot in my apartment, and not wearing tapochky (slippers) would result in an immediate sickness, likely the flu. And to sit on a curb, now forget it, otherwise, one’s sterile for life.

Even when I travelled to Crimea in the autumn, with its moderate climate, wearing a pair of heals without socks or visibly thick stockings was considered hazardous to my health. While searching for a taxi at the Sevastopil avto voksal (bus terminal), I was approached by two elderly gentlemen. Not only did they offer me unreasonably high rates for a taxi ride into the city, but they also dispensed advice. They warned me of the danger of bare feet in shoes, expressing grave concern for my future ability to procreate. These two were certainly no health fanatics, as I could tell by their deep dry voices and pock-marked faces the years of damage cigarette smoking and alcohol consumption had done to this pair.

I always enjoy the irony that comes from those who dispense the unsolicited advice regarding the Old Wives Tales. Has no one in this country heard of psorosis of the liver? Lung cancer? Any disease associated with gross amounts of cigarette smoking and alcohol consumption? I guess not. Health tips come through auditory practices told through the generations, not based on any scientific fact.