By Walter Kish

One of the enduring legacies that my parents left me was a treasure trove of Ukrainian phrases and expressions used as colourful, verbal exclamation points to add emphasis to specific situations. For example, when I am surprised or dumfounded, I am frequently heard to exclaim “Nai tebe kachka kopne!”, which translates into “May a duck kick you!” Somehow it doesn’t quite have the same kick in English as it does in the original, but it’s one of my favourites, nonetheless, since it provides the necessary emotional zing without being particularly offensive or politically incorrect. A stronger version often used in similar circumstances is “Nai tebe shliak trafit!”, which means “May lightning strike you!” in English, which packs a stronger punch, though many older or more proper Ukrainians consider it as crossing over the line into profanity.

There is, of course, no shortage of swear words or coarse expressions in Ukrainian, whose origins, as in almost all other languages, usually find their roots in things religious or sexual. However, aside from the expected sensitivity arising from my Catholic upbringing, I find these rather unimaginative and overused to the point of banality. I am much more fascinated by the richness, creativity and eclecticism of all those folk sayings and aphorisms that were such a common feature of my parents’ every day speech.

I can recall all those times when having done something foolish, my mother would exclaim, “Chy ty z byka vpaw?” (Did you fall off an ox?) or “Holova kapusta!” (You cabbagehead!) or “Durnay yak peniok!” (Dumb as a tree stump). There was no doubt about the point being made as to the damaged or absent state of my brain cells.

When someone broke into uncontrollable laughter, my parents would comment, “Nayivsia syra!” or “He ate too much cheese!”. Why cheese would necessarily cause laughter is a puzzle to me. I have laughed at “cheesy” jokes, but I suppose that would be stretching things a bit.

Their favourite way of conveying the impression that you’re comparing apples to oranges was “Mishayesh horokh z kapustoyu!” (You’re mixing peas with cabbage!).

The strongest expressions my mother ever used when she was really angry was “Kholera!” (Cholera!) or “Khoroba!” (Plague!). Obviously deadly disease was powerful stuff and was appropriated to convey powerful emotions. If her anger was aimed at someone in particular, she would shout “Hrin tobi v nis!” (Horseradish up your nose!). Considering the industrial strength of my mother’s horseradish, just the thought of it up anyone’s nose is too painful to contemplate!

It is obvious that the common factor behind most of these expressions is their roots in Ukraine’s peasant/folk culture and history. Animals, agricultural products and disease were the stuff of everyday life and it is not surprising that they found their way into colloquial language.

The roots of certain other expressions are a little harder to ascertain. For instance, my parents’ Ukrainian equivalent of “When Hell freezes over!” was “Yak rak na hori svystne!” or literally, “When a crab whistles on the mountaintop!”. Another expression they used often to convey the frustrated feeling of “Go ahead – I don’t give a damn - you haven’t got a clue!” was “Masty sobi holovu!” (Go smear your head!). What we were supposed to smear or head with, or why we should smear our heads in the first place, was not clear. Whenever they wanted to emphasize the concept of zero or zilch, they usually would say “Figu z makom” (Figs with poppyseeds). I still can’t figure out why figs with poppy seeds equate to zero.

These are but a small sample of my parents’ rich and expressive everyday speech. If you have similar colourful and interesting examples inherited from your parents and grandparents, please send them to me and I will share them with our readers. This too is part of our history and culture.