by Slava Halak

"O dear God!

Such is your will,

Such is her fortune,

Such is her fate!"

Taras Shevchenko

Every year in Ukraine, the number of women’s clubs and organizations increases, and the number of intelligent, self-confident women who call themselves feminists increases; but in terms of entering politics, becoming a business lady or entering the ranks of upper management, the numbers are few. Needless to say, there are some female politicians, bankers, doctors, teachers and lawyers. These are women who know their worth, have achieved success and are able to exert some influence on the socio-political life of the country.

However, my concern here is not about these rare individuals who have climbed the lofty heights, but of the average Ukrainian woman, who, despite the difficulties and challenges of daily life, have learned how to be "desired" women. They were born to love and be loved. How these women succeed in being elegant and attracting lovers has been a big secret! Young women cultivate the appearance of being happy, carefree, and extravagantly stylish; mature women strive for refined elegance. Brand-name cosmetics from prestigious firms are beyond their means, but Ukrainian women are resourceful and thrifty. Fruit, honey, eggs, cream, cheese – these are the ingredients for an effective facial mask; chamomile and lovage – make a great hair rinse; milk and tea – a gentle face cleanser; pine needles – bath oil.

A woman who is not noticed has a difficult life, destined to live alone, therefore, each strives to look attractive and refined, so as to attract that special someone who will take care of and cherish her.

Once, classified ads of the type " Would like to meet…" were considered improper, if not indecent. Nowadays, these loud pleas from the heart are common. Matrimonial want-ads fill the columns of Ukrainian newspapers. With remarkable willpower, sense of humour, and a mixture of modest, and boldness, women seek those rare men with no bad habits. Women hunt for good fortune, flattering themselves, but instead of the fantasy "rich Canadian with yacht, car, likes golf and skiing looking for attractive Ukrainian woman," the reality is usually "broom, pots, pans, and diapers."

Every woman dreams that her husband will be handsome, understanding, humorous, kind and intelligent. Often, things even start that way. But the cumulative effect of unemployment, business failures, bad luck, depression, loss of hope, apathy and alcoholism, causes many families to come to ruin.

The worst misfortune for most women is an alcoholic husband. Most women stoically endure the corrosive effects of alcoholism, even the physical abuse. "Why don’t you just leave him?" I asked a friend and victim of such abuse. "Because I married him," she replied with resignation and fatigue.

The promising, rosy dreams of a future life together has turned into a heavy burden that she feels she must bear. Endurance – this is the distinguishing characteristic of these women. They appear destined never to see a better life. Every day lived without yells, insults, verbal and physical abuse, scenes to be a lucky day. At first, they stay with husbands because they are breadwinners. But many of these pitiful breadwinners lose their gainful employment due to drinking, and then…

Finally, only then, some women make the break with their good-for-nothing partners, and go desperately searching for any kind of job to feed their kids. Often, if they have young children and are forced to work, the kids are left to fend for themselves throughout the day.

If the woman was fortunate enough to have scraped together some start-up capital, she can start a small business and hire someone to share the workload and responsibilities. If she is forced to become an employee in a private business, she often loses all her rights. She gets no days off, no holidays, and works in all kinds of adverse conditions and weather. She endures hard physical labour. Some women seek employment abroad, where as menial labourers they are poorly treated, often little better than slaves. The current economic crisis and unemployment drive them from their native soil.

Some young girls especially, disillusioned, without ties and willing to try anything, want nothing more than to leave and never come back. Some half a million girls and young women have recently left Ukraine. Many have fallen victim to forced prostitution, their lives a living hell. They grieve their unfortunate fate, yet many others are still ready to follow in their footsteps.

Not everyone has the strength to endure; with ever more frequency we hear the word suicide. In the Lviv region alone, according to official statistics, the number of people committing suicide runs into the thousands every year. The reasons? Poverty and destitution, unemployment, loneliness, loss of hope for the future.

Never theless, many, women bear misfortunes and tribulations with fortitude and courage. After the family break-ups, they salvage and fortify their remaining will to live, continue to work, continue to learn, start new families and give birth anew.

A well known proverb captures some of the essence of a Ukrainian woman – "A woman can create three things from nothing: a good meal, a hair-do and an argument!" Within our meager existence, when electricity is shut off with no warning for hours at a time, when you get running water only in the morning and at night for three hours, when the refrigerator is often empty, creating any kind of decent meal can be a real challenge. To feed your family a filling hot meal – that is something special!

The Ukrainian woman, on entering the kitchen, leaves all her cares and worries behind, and with loving care and inspiration cooks a meal for her loved ones. The highest honour is when the husband and kids or guests lick even their fingers and groan from eating too much of her delicious culinary creations. Every Sunday morning – varenyky with sour cream! It has become tradition. Potatoes are served almost every day since so many different dishes can be made from them. After a good meal, the fatigue, the sorrows, the afflictions of the soul, all recede, and men, inspired to great deeds and thoughts, may even demonstrate their affection, perhaps with a bouquet of flowers, notwithstanding that it isn’t yet officially March 8 (International Women’s Day). In Ukraine women wait all year to hear they are beautiful, gentle, hard-working, tender, patient…

We all strive for prosperity; our bodies need their daily bread and our exhausted, tearful, lost souls need moral cleansing and support. Relatives, immediate family, friends – that is where we start and where we always return. There is no shortage of troubles for everyone, which is why friendship with those who really understand and care is the greatest blessing. Special are the friends who will over a cup of coffee listen to your woes, offer advice, lend a helping hand at a difficult moment, lend a little money to tide you over till you get paid, provide moral support, and even shed a tear with you. Tears, in themselves will not cure grief, but they will make it easier to bear. True friends are not ashamed to share tears with each other.

Women are supposed to be the weaker sex, but we are the stronger in our hopes for a better future. As in nature, after the storm, the sun will certainly come out again. To all Ukrainian women, as well as women everywhere, I wish you bright and sunny joy and happiness.